This time I want to write about the very large of young men being not able to find a suitable girl, who is willing to marry them. One of the reasons for this is the skewed sex ratio. Possibly there are only 90 girls for every 100 boys in the community. This would automatically mean that ten boys out of hundred would not be able to find a wife. This is further complicated by the fact that more Iyer girls enter in to love marriages than boys, which further depletes the number of available girls. There are two more major problems standing in their way. One of them is the fact that the iyer girls are extremely intelligent and are able to get themselves not only highly qualified but also well employed and the other is the fact that most of the parents of the present generation insist on horoscope matching. In some cases (possibly one or two percent), there is a distinct possibility of not getting horoscopes match with yours.
I am coining the word matri capped individuals as those who find the problem of getting a suitable partner extremely difficult. The following are some of the matri capped groups of boys:-
1. Grooms who are not graduates.
In the iyer community most of the boys and girls become graduates without much trouble. Some of them, for reason not known to me, find it very hard to pursue their studies. Most of them some how complete matriculation and a few of them complete the pre University course. There is a small percentage who stop their education here.
This group of people find it very hard to get suitable partners. Even if they locate a girl who has completed only matriculation or pre university, she reuses to marry any one who is not a graduate. Very many parents of this type of matricapped boys approach me and tell me, “ We do not have any demands. Even if the girl is from a poor family, it does not matter.” But I am not able to help them because these very poor families are very rare and their girls are at least graduates and try their best to raise the standard of their family. How can we help such boys?
2.Priests , cooks and hoteliers
Even one generation back , these were the chosen profession of many of the Brahmins. These professions are considered as untouchable grooms by the parents of the girls. Priests in cities earn nowadays lot of money but they spend their life alone. Some of them are nudged to take up bad habits like drinking , gambling etc due to this. Ofcourse the priests of villages especially the priests who do worship in temples are extremely poor. They struggle to get married. This is because not only should the girl agree to marry them but she should choose a very religious life. Very few girls agree to this.
Cooks and hoteliers is a fading profession of Brahmins. The few who are in this profession are sufficiently rich but the community in general looks down upon them. They find it extremely difficult o get brides.
Iyers essentially prefer white collared jobs.. They further prefer government servants. This is because , they are all from a poor background and are not willing to take any risk. This generation of Brahmins are trying their hand in business. Many of them succeed and some of them fail. This big class of people who earn lot of money and manage to live like princes , are another group of untouchable grooms. (I understand exactly the opposite is true among Nattu Kottai Chettiars , who do not prefer to marry employed people.). I have a friend who is running a very successful business. He has two sons , both of whom are M.B.A graduates. Both of them joined the father in his business. It is a real truth that both of them are not getting married.)
It is but natural to expect a small percentage of the population to be handicapped. When people who are sufficiently rich and not handicapped are finding it difficult o get brides, it is not strange to note that these people do not get brides. A few days back , father of a doctor practicing in Delhi, who has a slight handicap contacted me. Ofcourse except pitying him, I could not help him.
5. One son-old parents group
Here is another strange group of matri capped boys. No girl is prepared to marry the son who does not have siblings and whose parents are old. They too are untouchable grooms. A generation ago all girls’ parents would have preferred him , because he would inherit all the wealth of his parents and the parents would be of great help in running the family. One girl , asked one of these boys recently, “Will the old people intend o live with you? If so , I am not interested.”
6. Boys who are above the age of 35.
Most of the girls get married(about 80%) of them between the age of 25-28. All of them insist that the age difference between them and their husbands should not be more than 4. So any boy who due to some reasons is not able to get married before the age of 32, finds it extremely difficult to get married. If they cross the age of 35, the chances of them getting married is about 10%
About 10-15 years back NRI grooms were in heavy demand. But over years, girls have realized that life is not that rosy in those places. Most of them after marriage find it difficult to get jobs. Large number of them hate the lonely existence in their American homes, for most of the time. Apart from this is the fact that many cases of martial cruelty has been reported from grooms settled abroad.
7, Astrological matri cap
Boys with shuddha Jadagam according to astrology should marry only girls with shuddha Jadagam. The percentage of girls with shuddha jadagam is just half of the percentage of boys with shuddha jadagam . Apart from this is the fact that a girl with shuddha Jadagam can marry a boy with slight dosham. Just imagine a boy not able to get married because, he is not getting a bride , whose horoscope matches with him.
There are many more such matri capped grooms. As a society , it is high time that we all discuss and find some method for finding suitable girls to our sons. Recently an old man told me, “My son is asking me “Father , can you not find a girl for me?” and I am not in a position to answer him.
Many of us are not in a poison to answer our sons. Ramachander