Brahmin marriage market once upon a time and now
By
P.R.Ramachander
Once upon a time ,
a. Brahmins
were abysmally poor and believed that
Girls should be got married when they were young.
b. The sex ratio at that
time was more favorable to
females , because their life span was much longer
c. The groom’s family used to conduct very long interviews
of the brides. They used ask several questions and conduct practical
interviews . I know of a
family who even made
the bride to walk because they suspected that
she may not be able to walk properly .All brides were
asked to sing.
d. Men used to die
young and almost every home had a widow
e. The newly
married wife was much more than an unpaid servant of a joint family than a wife
f. Huge demands of
dowry were made
g. The age
difference was not at all, anything important .Sixty year old man used to marry a sixteen year old as the third
wife
h. Families with single child was preferred as after
death of parents they will inherit
lot of wealth
i. The parents of
girl only families suffered a
lot and died with no body to take care
of them
j. Divorce or
widow remarriage was not at all common
k.I f rare inter caste
marriage took place , the parents
banished such children and never even attended their marriage
l. The marriages
were ritual bound and except for
dowry , expenditure was not much
m. 99% of
marriages took place in Bride’s
home town
n. Greatest
worry of all families was unmarried girl above 20
At the present time
A, Most Brahmins
are upper middle class
b. Sex ratio is
favourable to men. The average life span
is the same for both sexes
c. The girl’s
family does conduct a big interview, mostly in restaurants The grooms are asked to tell about their pay,
whether they are willing to shift away from joint family, whether they are
willing to look after the girl’s
parents, whether they know how cook, Whether
they will take their wife to parties so
on and on
d. Almost every home has a 40 year
old unmarried or divorced boy
e. Dowry has
reduced a lot
f. Age difference has reduced a lot. No girl is willing
to marry a person who is more than 2 years
older than her
g. Families with one son is not preferred at all as the responsibility of looking
after of parents would fall on him
h. All families suffer with no one prepared to look after
them
i. Divorce and widow remarriage are very common
j. Inter caste marriage is very common. The parents
of groom and bride conduct the marriage in so
called religious fashion
k. Marriages are extremely outside rituals .Mehandhi and Sangeeth entered the Brahmin marriages. Marriages are extremely expensive with huge money spent on
hall rent , food etc
l. Resort weddings
are slowly becoming common
m. The greatest worry of all family is unmarried
boys above 35
5 comments:
While your analysis is bang on, sMr.Ramachander,itis also true that value systems have changed, the monetary equations have changed and patriarchy no longer bears muster. Economic independence for girls are a primary factor in this state of are no affairs.Whereas,girls no longer are brought up as future wives and home makers so they do not and cannot appreciate the crucial role a woman plays in a man's life as his 'sahadharmini'. In the name of equality, women's rights, etc. etc. what has been list is the core values of marital life, of the family. Unless these are reinforced the scenario will not get any different.
Again, very bluntly put, education and employment of girls are seen as an investment for their parents with an eye on the return of investment. Many a parent of the girls would not like to lose the goose that is laying the golden eggs and would also like the groom to to come and live with them, play the primary role in the young couples' lives and be the fulcrum.
Qué Sera Sera
This is the unhappy reality today. A misguided sense of the self, a more twisted interpretation of women's liberation and empowerment, a very warped sense of taking it out on generations of patriarchy, a even less understood sense of the essential roles that nature has bestowed on man and woman....and here comes the perfect recipe for a mis-match in relationship.
What is envisaged today is the roles reversal and an imbalance in the traditional marital relationship which can be corrected only if the boys adjust, compromise, give up their identity, their families and their sense of the self. And if they are willing to pick up the crumbs thrown at them.
When mothers endorse their daughters' whims by openly declaring that my girl will not adjust or compromise, or the guy who marries her should be a very patient man as my daughter is prone to temper tantrums and is very adamant, or why should she give up her freedom and independence to shack up with someone not knowing what the future will be, where does the time-honoured principle of marriage being a journey of mutual give and take arise?
And in all this the guy gets the short shrift, in every single way.
It's not that earlier generations of women did not protest the male chauvinism but the home was yet the sacred space. Today it is that sanctum which is being violated. In the name of equality, getting even, being just as qualified, earning as much or being just as career minded it is the home that takes the axe and there is no way one can stem this avalanche of inverse progression which takes its toll mercilessly.
As elders, as a society we need to see where this is to be held back, and stem the rot....for rot it is.
What is lost in this voice of women's liberation is that the role of the wife, the mother,the home-maker in her is no less important and crucial to herself and her home and family as her role as a career woman, a professional, a bread-winner.
This is the unhappy reality today. A misguided sense of the self, a more twisted interpretation of women's liberation and empowerment, a very warped sense of taking it out on generations of patriarchy, a even less understood sense of the essential roles that nature has bestowed on man and woman....and here comes the perfect recipe for a mis-match in relationship.
What is envisaged today is the roles reversal and an imbalance in the traditional marital relationship which can be corrected only if the boys adjust, compromise, give up their identity, their families and their sense of the self. And if they are willing to pick up the crumbs thrown at them.
When mothers endorse their daughters' whims by openly declaring that my girl will not adjust or compromise, or the guy who marries her should be a very patient man as my daughter is prone to temper tantrums and is very adamant, or why should she give up her freedom and independence to shack up with someone not knowing what the future will be, where does the time-honoured principle of marriage being a journey of mutual give and take arise?
And in all this the guy gets the short shrift, in every single way.
It's not that earlier generations of women did not protest the male chauvinism but the home was yet the sacred space. Today it is that sanctum which is being violated. In the name of equality, getting even, being just as qualified, earning as much or being just as career minded it is the home that takes the axe and there is no way one can stem this avalanche of inverse progression which takes its toll mercilessly.
As elders, as a society we need to see where this is to be held back, and stem the rot....for rot it is.
What is lost in this voice of women's liberation is that the role of the wife, the mother,the home-maker in her is no less important and crucial to herself and her home and family as her role as a career woman, a professional, a bread-winner.
This is the unhappy reality today. A misguided sense of the self, a more twisted interpretation of women's liberation and empowerment, a very warped sense of taking it out on generations of patriarchy, a even less understood sense of the essential roles that nature has bestowed on man and woman....and here comes the perfect recipe for a mis-match in relationship.
What is envisaged today is the roles reversal and an imbalance in the traditional marital relationship which can be corrected only if the boys adjust, compromise, give up their identity, their families and their sense of the self. And if they are willing to pick up the crumbs thrown at them.
When mothers endorse their daughters' whims by openly declaring that my girl will not adjust or compromise, or the guy who marries her should be a very patient man as my daughter is prone to temper tantrums and is very adamant, or why should she give up her freedom and independence to shack up with someone not knowing what the future will be, where does the time-honoured principle of marriage being a journey of mutual give and take arise?
And in all this the guy gets the short shrift, in every single way.
It's not that earlier generations of women did not protest the male chauvinism but the home was yet the sacred space. Today it is that sanctum which is being violated. In the name of equality, getting even, being just as qualified, earning as much or being just as career minded it is the home that takes the axe and there is no way one can stem this avalanche of inverse progression which takes its toll mercilessly.
As elders, as a society we need to see where this is to be held back, and stem the rot....for rot it is.
What is lost in this voice of women's liberation is that the role of the wife, the mother,the home-maker in her is no less important and crucial to herself and her home and family as her role as a career woman, a professional, a bread-winner.
This is the unhappy reality today. A misguided sense of the self, a more twisted interpretation of women's liberation and empowerment, a very warped sense of taking it out on generations of patriarchy, a even less understood sense of the essential roles that nature has bestowed on man and woman....and here comes the perfect recipe for a mis-match in relationship.
What is envisaged today is the roles reversal and an imbalance in the traditional marital relationship which can be corrected only if the boys adjust, compromise, give up their identity, their families and their sense of the self. And if they are willing to pick up the crumbs thrown at them.
When mothers endorse their daughters' whims by openly declaring that my girl will not adjust or compromise, or the guy who marries her should be a very patient man as my daughter is prone to temper tantrums and is very adamant, or why should she give up her freedom and independence to shack up with someone not knowing what the future will be, where does the time-honoured principle of marriage being a journey of mutual give and take arise?
And in all this the guy gets the short shrift, in every single way.
It's not that earlier generations of women did not protest the male chauvinism but the home was yet the sacred space. Today it is that sanctum which is being violated. In the name of equality, getting even, being just as qualified, earning as much or being just as career minded it is the home that takes the axe and there is no way one can stem this avalanche of inverse progression which takes its toll mercilessly.
As elders, as a society we need to see where this is to be held back, and stem the rot....for rot it is.
What is lost in this voice of women's liberation is that the role of the wife, the mother,the home-maker in her is no less important and crucial to herself and her home and family as her role as a career woman, a professional, a bread-winner.
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