Tuesday, October 8, 2019

Brahmin marriage market once upon a time and now


Brahmin  marriage market   once  upon a time   and now

By
P.R.Ramachander




Once upon a time  ,

a. Brahmins  were  abysmally  poor and believed  that   Girls should   be got married  when they were young.
b. The sex ratio at that  time   was more favorable to females  , because   their life span   was much longer
c. The groom’s family   used to conduct very long  interviews  of the   brides. They   used ask several  questions and conduct  practical  interviews . I know  of a family   who even made  the  bride to walk  because they suspected  that  she may not be able to walk properly .All  brides were  asked to sing.
d. Men used to die   young  and   almost every home had a widow
e. The  newly married wife  was  much more than an  unpaid servant  of a joint family  than a wife
f. Huge demands  of dowry were made
g. The age  difference was not at all, anything important  .Sixty year old man  used to marry a sixteen year old as the  third  wife
h. Families with single child   was preferred as   after  death of parents   they will  inherit  lot of wealth
i. The parents of  girl only families   suffered a lot and died   with no body  to take care  of them
j. Divorce  or widow remarriage    was not at all common
k.I f rare  inter caste marriage took place  , the parents banished such children  and never  even attended   their marriage
l. The marriages  were ritual bound  and except for dowry  , expenditure  was not much
m.   99% of marriages   took place  in Bride’s   home town
n. Greatest  worry  of all families was  unmarried girl  above 20



At the present time

A, Most Brahmins    are  upper   middle class
b. Sex ratio  is favourable to men. The average life span  is the same  for both sexes
c. The   girl’s family does   conduct   a big interview, mostly in restaurants  The grooms are asked to tell about their pay, whether they are willing to shift away from joint family, whether  they are  willing to look after  the girl’s parents, whether  they know how  cook,  Whether they will take their wife to parties   so on and on
d. Almost every home has a    40 year  old unmarried  or divorced  boy
e. Dowry has   reduced a lot
f. Age difference has reduced a lot. No girl is willing to marry a person who is more than 2 years  older  than her
g. Families with one son is not preferred at all   as the responsibility  of looking   after  of parents would fall on him
h. All families suffer with no one prepared to look after them
i. Divorce and widow remarriage are  very common
j. Inter caste marriage is very common. The parents of   groom and bride conduct    the marriage  in so   called religious fashion
k. Marriages are extremely  outside rituals .Mehandhi  and Sangeeth entered the  Brahmin marriages. Marriages   are extremely expensive   with huge money   spent on  hall rent , food etc
l. Resort weddings    are slowly   becoming common
m. The greatest worry of all family is unmarried boys   above  35

5 comments:

Unknown said...

While your analysis is bang on, sMr.Ramachander,itis also true that value systems have changed, the monetary equations have changed and patriarchy no longer bears muster. Economic independence for girls are a primary factor in this state of are no affairs.Whereas,girls no longer are brought up as future wives and home makers so they do not and cannot appreciate the crucial role a woman plays in a man's life as his 'sahadharmini'. In the name of equality, women's rights, etc. etc. what has been list is the core values of marital life, of the family. Unless these are reinforced the scenario will not get any different.
Again, very bluntly put, education and employment of girls are seen as an investment for their parents with an eye on the return of investment. Many a parent of the girls would not like to lose the goose that is laying the golden eggs and would also like the groom to to come and live with them, play the primary role in the young couples' lives and be the fulcrum.
Qué Sera Sera

Unknown said...

This is the unhappy reality today. A misguided sense of the self, a more twisted interpretation of women's liberation and empowerment, a very warped sense of taking it out on generations of patriarchy, a even less understood sense of the essential roles that nature has bestowed on man and woman....and here comes the perfect recipe for a mis-match in relationship.
What is envisaged today is the roles reversal and an imbalance in the traditional marital relationship which can be corrected only if the boys adjust, compromise, give up their identity, their families and their sense of the self. And if they are willing to pick up the crumbs thrown at them.
When mothers endorse their daughters' whims by openly declaring that my girl will not adjust or compromise, or the guy who marries her should be a very patient man as my daughter is prone to temper tantrums and is very adamant, or why should she give up her freedom and independence to shack up with someone not knowing what the future will be, where does the time-honoured principle of marriage being a journey of mutual give and take arise?
And in all this the guy gets the short shrift, in every single way.
It's not that earlier generations of women did not protest the male chauvinism but the home was yet the sacred space. Today it is that sanctum which is being violated. In the name of equality, getting even, being just as qualified, earning as much or being just as career minded it is the home that takes the axe and there is no way one can stem this avalanche of inverse progression which takes its toll mercilessly.
As elders, as a society we need to see where this is to be held back, and stem the rot....for rot it is.
What is lost in this voice of women's liberation is that the role of the wife, the mother,the home-maker in her is no less important and crucial to herself and her home and family as her role as a career woman, a professional, a bread-winner.

Unknown said...

This is the unhappy reality today. A misguided sense of the self, a more twisted interpretation of women's liberation and empowerment, a very warped sense of taking it out on generations of patriarchy, a even less understood sense of the essential roles that nature has bestowed on man and woman....and here comes the perfect recipe for a mis-match in relationship.
What is envisaged today is the roles reversal and an imbalance in the traditional marital relationship which can be corrected only if the boys adjust, compromise, give up their identity, their families and their sense of the self. And if they are willing to pick up the crumbs thrown at them.
When mothers endorse their daughters' whims by openly declaring that my girl will not adjust or compromise, or the guy who marries her should be a very patient man as my daughter is prone to temper tantrums and is very adamant, or why should she give up her freedom and independence to shack up with someone not knowing what the future will be, where does the time-honoured principle of marriage being a journey of mutual give and take arise?
And in all this the guy gets the short shrift, in every single way.
It's not that earlier generations of women did not protest the male chauvinism but the home was yet the sacred space. Today it is that sanctum which is being violated. In the name of equality, getting even, being just as qualified, earning as much or being just as career minded it is the home that takes the axe and there is no way one can stem this avalanche of inverse progression which takes its toll mercilessly.
As elders, as a society we need to see where this is to be held back, and stem the rot....for rot it is.
What is lost in this voice of women's liberation is that the role of the wife, the mother,the home-maker in her is no less important and crucial to herself and her home and family as her role as a career woman, a professional, a bread-winner.

Unknown said...

This is the unhappy reality today. A misguided sense of the self, a more twisted interpretation of women's liberation and empowerment, a very warped sense of taking it out on generations of patriarchy, a even less understood sense of the essential roles that nature has bestowed on man and woman....and here comes the perfect recipe for a mis-match in relationship.
What is envisaged today is the roles reversal and an imbalance in the traditional marital relationship which can be corrected only if the boys adjust, compromise, give up their identity, their families and their sense of the self. And if they are willing to pick up the crumbs thrown at them.
When mothers endorse their daughters' whims by openly declaring that my girl will not adjust or compromise, or the guy who marries her should be a very patient man as my daughter is prone to temper tantrums and is very adamant, or why should she give up her freedom and independence to shack up with someone not knowing what the future will be, where does the time-honoured principle of marriage being a journey of mutual give and take arise?
And in all this the guy gets the short shrift, in every single way.
It's not that earlier generations of women did not protest the male chauvinism but the home was yet the sacred space. Today it is that sanctum which is being violated. In the name of equality, getting even, being just as qualified, earning as much or being just as career minded it is the home that takes the axe and there is no way one can stem this avalanche of inverse progression which takes its toll mercilessly.
As elders, as a society we need to see where this is to be held back, and stem the rot....for rot it is.
What is lost in this voice of women's liberation is that the role of the wife, the mother,the home-maker in her is no less important and crucial to herself and her home and family as her role as a career woman, a professional, a bread-winner.

Unknown said...

This is the unhappy reality today. A misguided sense of the self, a more twisted interpretation of women's liberation and empowerment, a very warped sense of taking it out on generations of patriarchy, a even less understood sense of the essential roles that nature has bestowed on man and woman....and here comes the perfect recipe for a mis-match in relationship.
What is envisaged today is the roles reversal and an imbalance in the traditional marital relationship which can be corrected only if the boys adjust, compromise, give up their identity, their families and their sense of the self. And if they are willing to pick up the crumbs thrown at them.
When mothers endorse their daughters' whims by openly declaring that my girl will not adjust or compromise, or the guy who marries her should be a very patient man as my daughter is prone to temper tantrums and is very adamant, or why should she give up her freedom and independence to shack up with someone not knowing what the future will be, where does the time-honoured principle of marriage being a journey of mutual give and take arise?
And in all this the guy gets the short shrift, in every single way.
It's not that earlier generations of women did not protest the male chauvinism but the home was yet the sacred space. Today it is that sanctum which is being violated. In the name of equality, getting even, being just as qualified, earning as much or being just as career minded it is the home that takes the axe and there is no way one can stem this avalanche of inverse progression which takes its toll mercilessly.
As elders, as a society we need to see where this is to be held back, and stem the rot....for rot it is.
What is lost in this voice of women's liberation is that the role of the wife, the mother,the home-maker in her is no less important and crucial to herself and her home and family as her role as a career woman, a professional, a bread-winner.