Quo Vadis?- bride search among Brahmins.

Quo Vadis?- bride search among Brahmins.

by

P.R.Ramachander

(This is a  modified write up based on the  excellent face book posting of my friend sri Vasu  Iyengar.Thanks to him.This is only the tip of the  iceberg of the mega problem  of bride search among Brahmins)

One of my friends was searching   for a good groom to his daughter. They located one   and went and saw the boy and the family .Fortunately  the   family  of the Groom was related to me  and I knew them well .So I went and met the girl’s father   and asked  him about , what they decided  about the groom.

     The girl’s father  told ,”Is the groom   an idiot?”

I told him, “He is an intelligent person..He is a post graduate in computer science   from the University of Singapore.”

The Girl’s father  replied, “Ya. That is what he told but he was wearing religious mark in his forehead   and then we had a doubt   whether  he is a qualified idiot.”

I assured them that the boy was  sharp and intelligent.

The girl’s father   then said, “Yesterday we went to their home and were   shocked.”

I did not understand and blinked.

Then he continued. “The boy’s father  was wearing a Pancha  Kacham and was   sporting a tuft and his mother   was wearing a nine yards sari(madisar) and so we were scared.”

I was confused and in my confusion asked  “So what and why should you be scared ?”

Then he said, “Our daughter has been brought up in a modern way. She would wear only Chudidhar or skirt and blouse . So we feel that she cannot adjust with them. You please inform the family that my daughter wants to do Ph.D  in USA  and so  as of now  , we are not interested  in the alliance.”

  The boy’s father who  was a  very prominent official in a multinational company had decided to live a ritualistic life after  retirement . His wife who  was a  retired principal  in a famous college  , supported him in his idea. They never thought that  their following rituals would  bring their  son in to trouble. I phoned to them and told the view of the girl’s parents and he told, “Oh , this is the third time we are hearing the same excuse. Obviously they do not want  us to follow any rituals.or it may be that  all Brahmin girls in India are  doing Ph.D  in USA. Okay, if you come across any other alliance tell me.”

In Brahmin communities  it is extremely   difficult to get suitable brides   for their sons(A similar situation  for getting grooms was there about 60 years back) . The bride’s family ( we do not know whether  it is the bride)  put several conditions  like

1.It is better that grooms do not have living parents and if they are alive, they should  sign in a stamp paper  , that they would never live with their son after marriage and nor will they ask money from them.It is essential   that the groom should not be their only son.(once upon a time the groom use to ill treat  his in laws. They used to be scared  to visit their daughter)

2.The age difference between the groom and bride should not be more than two, because if it is more than that , good understanding would not be there  between them.(Even 40 years back the grooms of 25 used to insist on a bride not older than 18. The grooms used to give lot of emphasis on fair brides) )

3.The groom should be trained in all the household chores and also he  should like to take  hotel food off  and on . (The grooms considered cooking is a menial job    and never used to cook , even if  they  knew how to cook)

4.He should be  person habituated to go to party  and slight drinking and  non vegetarian food is Okay.(Grooms wanted their brides to be very religious and follow all  rituals strictly)

5.He should not do any rituals   but if he wants to go to temple  once in a while it is okay(The brides have  to know Rangoli  , pooja   and should be orthodox)

6.It would be better if he is a US green card holder  and best if he is a US citizen.(Brides should not be more than graduates.They should preferably not employed)

7.If the girl is  professional degree holder the  boy should at least be a Ph.D , either in a US university or  IIT preferably Madras or Mumbai 

8.If he is an MBA it should be from  Indian Institute of Management from Calcutta or Ahmedabad or Bangalore

9.He should own a house  in USA without any loans (The bride’s parents have to give huge dowry, vehicle , house etc)

10. After marriage  , he should visit his parents only once in four years(The wife was  rarely allowed to visit her parents but if they are in family way, they were  sent there)

11, It is the duty of his parents to take care  of their grand children  till they can be put in a crèche.(such things like crèche did not exist there  and the  grand parents used  to look after  their grand children very well)

               

   What a tragedy  ?  Where   are we all going? What should we do?