Saturday, July 28, 2018

Brahmin matrimony – (old) groom protests and (young )bride answers


Brahmin matrimony  – (old) groom protests  and (young )bride answers

By
P.R.Ramachander




(I happen to read   a  tamil  article in Dhina malar, giving the point of view  of a Brahmin  groom, unable to get married  even when he was nearing 40 . Ofcourse  I sympathise with him  but  he has also to consider  the   bride’s  view point. Here  are  imaginary  answers   to  some of  his  questions by a present day bride  . Are they reasonable  ?)

Once  upon a time  , the parents of girls  , due to inability and poverty used  to give their 20 year  old girl in marriage  to 60 year old men and created  young widows  in all Brahmin homes.

Nowadays parents  of boy’s  who have crossed thirty five (old young  bachelors)  , are prepared   to get a  divorcee/widowed  bride  even from other  castes.

One such groom has   the  following   questions  to the  parents  of brides/brides

1.You  are  expecting the groom  below 30   with  government  job as  officers/private  jobs   with a monthly income of more  than fifty thousands but more than 80% of this   age group   get   a salary of about  Rs30000. Even if they get  government jobs,by  the age of 30  , they will  not get Rs50000 as salary.In  this age  it would be difficult   to buy a house   without taking loan. And if loan is taken  their   take home  pay  would get   further reduced. No one seem to bother   about whether his earning  is sufficient to run a family  or whether his habits are good.

Answer by bride  . With the  present   cost of living  , with a salary  of thirty  thousand  , a family can only   lead a  life of poverty, specially  if they do not  own a house .It simply is not possible  for even to buy  decent dress like every one else.If children are born it is not possible  with that  salary   to   educate   them in a good school

2.Leading a religious  life following all acharas   seems to be  a great  draw back for the boy
   Most  of the acharas  make  an educated  girl   lead   an extremely hopeless  life.It takes away all her independence  in dressing as she likes and forces her  to lead   a life  of torture  and simple imprisonment

3.Unlike earlier  days  when grooms  used  to buy  rich brides  , a time has  come when  brides  are  buying rich grooms

It is a very unjust accusation  .Once upon a time  grooms wanted   to live in the money earned  by his future father in law .Present days  no bride   wants to live  in the wealth  of her father  in law but  searches  for a groom who can look after  her  by his earning.

4.No bride   wants  to marry a  groom who is beyond 30 and never a groom who is  beyond 35  .Because of this  large number  of men have  to live  unmarried

   At earlier times  all men of thirty wanted   to marry a  girl of sweet sixteen .If   she remains for some reason not married up to 25 , men used  to reject  her saying that  she looks  very old and her  child bearing age is  very much reduced

5,No bride    wants to  get married to a boy with very  very slight paunch, or  very very slight  baldness  or  dressed  in Dhothi  once in a while

True , were they prepared  to marry us when we  were not  white, when we did not have  long hair  , when we were   not as pretty as Maha Lakshmi  about  30  years back?







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