Ambitious nurture may become unwanted torture

Ambitious nurture may become  unwanted torture

By

P.R.Ramachander

( All middle class parents  want to make their son rich and they want him to get , all that they did not get. Some times  the children may feel that their father  is not bringing them up but  torturing them. I saw   a tamil post to this effect by my friend Meena Rajan.Thanks to her)

A  great writer     delaing with family  problems   got an e mail,

It was  written  by  a retired    school teacher  who had two sons,

One of them was  in USA   and the other   was  in Australia,

His problem    was lonliness as  he and his wife  were living alone.

His   wife   had rheumatism and he    had very severe chest  congestion,

And their    doctors adviced   them not to go and live   in those  two cold places,

Their sons were  not even coming to India  once   in two years ,

And even if they come , they  used to leave   within five days.

And in those   five days , they hardly spent  five hours   with parents,

And they told  , All the   time  our sons live  in India  , they  read your books,

Can you please  advice   our children   , how much their parents  are suffering .

WE do not want   anything from them but we want them to talk with us.”

I read  the e mail  again and  again   and forwarded   to their son,

And  within   a week, I got  a  reply   from him , explaining  his stand.

“I  have  lived in TRichy  with my parents ,    for twenty two years but  I do not have ,

Any attachment    with that   town  or   with my  parents.”

He continued ‘Possibly   even before  I was born  , my father  ,

Had decided  that I should   become  an engineer and possibly,

With that aim right   from LKG days   he   was teaching  me ,

All the twenty four hours and  mother also  taught us  some times.”

“I do not have  any memory  of my childhood  other than  studies,

I had to study on Sundays, during festivals and during vacations.

Nowadays   when I do not get sleep   , I some times   try to think,

Of my child hood days  and not even a joyful incidents pops in my mind.”

“I some times try to search even for   sad  incidents  so that I can,

Have mental contact   with my father , but I failed to find any.

My school was  worse  than my home as it was  a private convent.

WE would be watched  , taught  and punished , every minute we were in school.”

“I was not allowed to do anything but studies, no play  , no reading ,

And nothing whatsoever   and I was   made an expert  in learning ,

BY heart  all that in the book and vomiting them out   with great  efficiency,

In the tests  and in places   where  I was   asked   about  it.”

“Only  after  I completed  my graduate  in engineering   and reached,

USA , I came to know  that there  are many things   apart  from studies,

And  human life  was full of joy  , friendship   and relationship,

And my life changed and  I loved that life   and hated  my earlier life..”

“When I am come for a visit, within a day , I feel I am in an align town,

And want to get out  of that  hell  as soon as possible  but yes,

WE have  affection and  respect  to our parents but   to me,

They appear, yet another  two oldies  , whom   we did not know.”

“Durinng the twenty two years  I was with them  they have  not  ,

Talked   any thing except  our future   as well  as our studies and even now ,

All they want to know is our salary ,   savings   and warning  us,

Not to  spend money  , b not buy books   and not go to restaurentts.”

Please   tell us  , can we talk with those bores more than half  an hour.

However much acting   we may try to do , how   can  we talk to them.

How can we live in an alien town    with alien people   for  long.

WE try  our best  , more than five days    we cannot   stay with them .”

I forwarded  his reply to his parents   and they wrote to me ,

A sorrowful letter  blaming   their  son   as irresponsible,

Ungrateful  , inhuman , greatly selfish  and an idiot.”

And I wrote to them    a very short   letter   to make things clear.

“Childhood   is the time of joy , when games   have to be played ,

When festivals  have to be celebrated, when  harmless  chichat,

With friends   and relations to be done but   you   did not allow  ,

Them to have   the joy of childhood and they   would blame you for it.”